Sometimes the best thing is change

Okay so let me address what I said before. Yes, I was in tears each day before my shift started. I have no idea why and it would just hit me. I would get up and either I would feel fine until I reached the car or I would start feeling anxiety hit me first thing when my alarm went off. I would try and talk myself into going to work but could not stop crying. I had no reason to feel the way I did. I have a great life and I know it, so why was I feeling this way?

Then the stress hits. I found myself wondering if this feeling would ever go away. If this was stress or depression or was I just lazy? I could not wrap my mind around what was going on. My work life was miserable. My boss was really mean and condescending to me. Every day I had to hold it together and fight back my tears. The only thing that made me feel better was my understanding husband. He would tell me that this feeling was okay, hold me and let me cry. I would sit there and google more reasons to call in…again so that I could take the day to calm my nerves.

I truly believe that you should not judge a book by its cover. My boss hated the fact that I was taking time off and did not understand what I was going through. This invisible pain is torturing my mind, how do you even explain that to someone? Then there was the random triggers, I could not even enjoy my weekends without the stress and anxiety. Even my dogs knew I was struggling and would not leave my side.

I could not find my happiness so after many long discussions and careful planning I quit my job. My boss did not take it well. She was very concerned that she would not be able to take a vacation and that her job would not consist of covering all that I did. This made me feel horrible but I had to do what was best for me. I advised my boss that, for personal health reasons I would be turning in my two week notice. She kept pressing and asking questions like "well, do you have cancer, or a brain tumor?" she did not understand why I did not want to talk with her about what I  was going through. She could not understand what was preventing me from continuing to work there. Well I called out the following Monday and was told that I no longer needed to come in for the remainder of my notice. That was a nice break. I did get another job since we had bills to pay. I took less pay and am now working less hours but I already feel a little better. Sometimes the best thing for you is change.